Hearing and reading so many of these other stories, I know mine is nothing compared to them. However, I know somewhere, there is probably someone else going through a similar struggle.
Between my freshman and sophmore year of high school, I was diagnosed with depression after having a history of self injury and suicidal thoughts. Fast forward to about 2014. I went to an Army recruiter and enlisted as 88M, motor transport. I had lied about my scars and mental history at MEPs but on the day I was supposed to ship to basic, I was caught and ultimately disqualified from serving in any branch of the military. I don’t think I’ve ever cried harder than that day.
As i went through downfall after downfall, getting separated from the step son I had raised on my own for nearly 2 years, struggling with alcohol abuse at the early age of 22-23, nearly getting addicted to meth, I finally decided to move to Florida to get a fresh start.
Early on, I started looking into the police academy as a possible chance to hold true to the one goal I had in life, serving the community in some way and potentially being able to be there for even just 1 person where I can make a difference. I was unable to apply due to drug use being within 5 years and, even though I did my best to stay on a straight path, I landed myself with 2 DUIs within a 2 year period.
When I got released after the 2nd DUI and finally managed to get a ride home later that night, I found myself killing a handle of vodka and holding my Glock to my head with the trigger against the wall. Ultimately, I managed to scare myself out of doing it after realizing that, with the stupid things I’ve done over the last few years, I should’ve been dead or in prison and realized someone somewhere is looking out for me.
I’ve been working for a security company since February of 2018 and have been able to speak with multiple deputies and have solid conversations with them about my DUI record and whether it’s worth still trying to pursue the academy. After speaking with those deputies, some being supervisors and such, I’ve learned that I may actually have a chance. Since then, I’ve made it my goal to work my ass off during the 5 year waiting period until I’m able to apply. In the last couple months, I’ve had to assist with 2 suicide calls as well as supporting a domestic violence victim after her husband had beat her and thrown her down a staircase. The people’s mind would be so traumatized and I have had cases where I realized why the law disqualifies you from owning a gun in Colorado! During the suicide calls, I was able to use my experience from depression and suicide to talk to the individual and get him to cooperate with the on site deputy. Being able to have an opportunity like that and see where and how my life experiences can help others proved even more that God put me on the downhill path I went through for a reason.
Ever since those incidents, I’ve been pushing harder and harder to keep myself away from alcohol and maintain the Never Quit spirit knowing I can keep making a difference in a persons life, even if it’s rare occurrences and pushing myself to believe that, maybe one day, I’ll be able to put on a legit badge and be able to reach out and have a positive impact on more within the community.
