Hi guys. I am amazed at how much God uses you men to tell these stories and your own stories that truly transform my life on a daily basis.
My story is a not a typical one that you may get but it is my story of never giving up and pausing through the hurt.
To begin I was a fighter from the day I was born. My original birthdate was supposed to have been February 14, 1982, however I was actually born December 1, 1981. So I was born 10-11 weeks early. I was very sick and nearly did not survive. I had jaundice, double pneumonia, my lungs completely collapsed, and I had bradycardia which is a slow heart beat. I weighs 3 lbs 13 oz. talk about not giving up…I fought hard through many prayers and Gods healing.
My life has had many trials and tribulations that so many times I just wanted to quit and contemplated suicide.
I have heard from many people that “There is always a reason to live for”. This is so true, I had to dig deep to find the courage to keep going. I have
had a major reason to live for for the past 15 years.
Iwas 22 when I found that I was pregnant. Where this age may be an acceptable and normal age to have a child, for me my maturity level was not that of a 22 year old woman. I have matured through many life experiences and a little later than most girls. I was raised in a Christian, loving two parent home. I could not have asked for any better parents than the ones God blessed me with. I was raised with the mentality that women don’t have sex before marriage and certainly do not have a child outside of marriage.
The day I found out I was pregnant my parents were driving back from dropping my sister off at camp and were nearly killed in a head on collision on a two lane road. Thank the good Lord they survived. I knew that I could tell my mom, she was my best friend, telling my dad terrified me. He took it better than I thought he would and told me he loved me no matter what and would be with me through this. All I knew at this point was abortion was not an option and I wanted to keep her.
Through out the months as they passed feeling the little kicks and movements of my sweet babe really made me so happy and feel so good. When it got down to about the 7th month I felt family really putting the pressure on my to choose adoption. I wanted so much to keep and raise my sweet baby. Through a mix of emotions I chose to release my daughter for adoption. Hardest decision of my life.
The day my mom drove me away from the hospital I lost it. I screamed and cried all the way home.
Days and weeks passed and I went into a dark place. I did not want to push forward and live my life. Although I made the decision and I felt that family I had pushed me into the decision. If you have children then you know how much I loved my child. Ultimately what it came down to was what was best for her. I could have been selfish and kept her but I wanted so much for her to have more than I could ever give her. I wanted her life to be full of so much that at that time I could not do. I could barely take care of myself back then.
So many times I wanted to give up and not live.
Quite a few years passed I decided to pick myself up and make something of my life. My wish was to be able to meet my daughter one day. But before I could I knew I had to make something of myself for not only me but for her. I wanted her to one day see that what I did by placing her with a special family was for her benefit and that this was how much I loved her.
I decided to go back to college and get my degree. I worked hard and graduated in 2008 from Coastal Carolina Univeristy with my Bachelors in business management. Year after year I push myself to make it through and to never go back to dark places in my mind so that one day she and I can meet, reunite and hopefully have a relationship.
Thank you guys so very much for who you are, what you have done and are doing every day. You are truly making a huge difference in so many lives, especially mine. I look forward to many more podcasts filled with encouragement, life lessons and lots of laughter.