First I want to say thank you for everything you do. You have no idea how much you have helped me heal over the past two years. I debated sending this for months because I don’t like people knowing everything that has happened in my life, but finally realized the difficult road I have been down and my recovery could help someone else, so what the hell…here goes. However, Please keep it anonymous because my story does involve domestic abuse.
My story started 5 years ago after I went thru a divorce. Jumping back into dating is hard enough but gets even harder when you are doing it with kids. So I dated some, but not a lot. I met one guy that seemed pretty amazing and we dated for about a year. However I saw things were not going to workout long term, so I ended it. Remember he had never showed signs of hurting me or any intentions that alluded to such. He did get kinda out of control when he drank, but never violent. So a few weeks passed and after any normal breakup you find things in your home that belong to the other person. I did, and boxed it all up and told him I would leave it in my garage, just to come by and get it when he could. It was a normal morning without my kids. I was running late like always, and rushing around my house in a hurry. I hear someone enter my front door but didn’t think much of it because my dad is retired and would come over a lot in the mornings for coffee and talk, while I’m rushing around the house like a crazy person. But I could just tell by the footsteps that it wasn’t my dad.
So I cautiously peeped downstairs to see what’s going on. I don’t get too alarmed because my dog didn’t bark so it was someone I knew. I saw it is my ex-boyfriend and nicely tell him his stuff is in my garage and I’m running late so I can’t talk right now, just to call me later. He proceeds up the stairs anyway and I notice, damn he is drunk and it’s only 7:00 am. I can’t let him leave like this, so I call my boss and tell him I would be late because I have to get him sobered up before I can let him leave. I hang up the phone and turn around and hear “If I can’t have you no one else will either”. This is when it all goes to hell in a handbasket. I am feeling very uneasy and Immediately I start backing up to try and get to my bedroom where I have a pistol hid in my end table. He too knows this, so he immediate grabs me and throws me down the flight of steps by my forearm…shattering both bones in my arm. As I fell down the stairs this is when they think it broke my collar bone, tore my ACL and broke my ankle. I wish it had knocked me out but it didn’t, unfortunately. I remembered I have a pistol in my purse and try to pull myself over to it because it is just feet from where I landed, but I just can’t because I’m hurting pretty bad.
Last thing I remember is him mumbling something and this horrible pain hitting my lower back, then my stomach and then this burning sensation in the back of my head….that’s all I remember and I was then, thank god, knocked out. He then left me there. All this happened in only 15 minutes. Remember I had called work to say I was going to be late so I was screwed. I was basically beat to death and no one was coming to look for me for awhile. What he forgot is my Labrador was a trained search and rescue dog and I had installed a dog door that was chipped in her collar so she could come and go outside as she needed to. I hadn’t turned her collar off yet because I hadn’t left. I was told she went to my neighbors house and barked nonstop at their door until she got someone to follow her to our house and come in. My dog had basically saved my life. My neighbor was sure I was dead because I was completely non-responsive. I was immediately life flighted to a trauma center a couple hours away. My injuries included both bones shattered in my left forearm which had to be plated and screwed back together, collar bone broken, numerous broken ribs, torn ACL, broken ankle, severely bruised liver, ruptured spleen and a head trauma that cause swelling of the brain. I was hospitalized for nearly 3 months (most in ICU), then started the long process of therapy and recovery. Remember in all this, I have young kids.
During my recovery was when I was blessed to be introduced to you guys. I would listen to Y’all for inspiration and just to laugh. Between y’all, my kids and friends/family, it what kept me fighting. I am still dealing with the mental recovery as it has only been two years. I’m still experiencing a lot of anger, confusion and PTS. Some of this may never completely go away, but I’m learning how to deal with it. The physical aspects have healed completely and I am told between the internal injuries and the head injuries, it’s a miracle I am even here, much less nearly fully back to normal.
Abuse is not always evident and can happen when you least expect it. If anyone else out there is going thru this just know 3 things…
1. Abuse is never ok! I went thru the phase of saying it wasn’t his fault it was the alcohol. I even blamed myself at one point. Pound it into your head that It Is NEVER ok!
2. You can get thru it. Find something that inspires you. That may be your kids, a podcast like this one, a volunteer opportunity, bible group, working out, counselors or all of the above. Find someone you can trust and talk to. Most important remove from your life people/things that bring you down. You only need positivity. Negative people and things are only going to set you back. I just recently realized this.
3. Take things one day at a time. You will have bad days. I still do and it is very hard for me to trust any man, and you know what, that’s ok too because I don’t have a timeline. Take things one day at a time, one meal at a time and one step in front of the other. Trust the process and It DOES get better.
I want to say thank you Team Never Quit for bringing me into your family. You guys have been a pivotal part of my recovery and healing. You may not realize it, but you touch the lives of so many people every single day. I thank God I found y’all!!