How Do I Get Out of This Hole?

Hello everyone, my names Colby i’m 18 and feel like crap all the time. My entire life has been filled with everything military. Ever since I was 2 years old I wanted to join the military, first it was the Navy SEALs, then Marines and now Army, its the only thing I find interesting, but because of my situation I don’t think I’ll be able to join the military.

I was never good in school, struggled in math and science, never learned the entire multiplication chart algebra and anything above that. I’d ask the teachers for help and explain that I don’t understand any of it and they would walk away each time. This lead to me falling asleep in class every day for the rest of the year until I dropped out after I completed the 8th grade. Ever since then, all i’ve done is play games on my bed and eat, thats why I’m 263 at 6ft 2in.

I have a part time job doing construction and even though it’s good.. I hate it. I don’t want to be a mechanic or a carpenter like my father and grandfather. The only thing I do with my life is shoot guns, watch YouTube and play games with a buddy who wants to do the same as me but isn’t because he got injured in BCT, got a job to pay his bills but messed up his body more because of it. The only thing I want to do with my life is join the Army with the MOS 11x previously 11b. For people who graduated high school and had some understanding of it thats a really easy MOS to score, I don’t know what to do, I try and practice the math crap but when it gets hard I keep giving up because I don’t know any of it. I’m afraid that if i get a full time job, I’ll get stuck in the day in and out work and not focus on getting my ged. I’ve seen a recruiter and he told me I need to get down to 200 lbs and get my GED thats all. I have no mental illnesses or physical disabilities etc. I’m sick and tired of this life. I need it to change or I don’t know what will happen. I honestly think the only reason i’ve kept pushing forward is for my brother (Army) sister and dogs. How do I make a big change in my life? How do I become motivated?

Thank you all for your service and I know this might sound like something stupid compared to what you’ve bin thru but I needed to vent.

Author: Colby