a long ride

first I want to thank you honorable men for sharing your story. I was at home and listening in to Shawn’s story from sept 21 2018 and it really slammed home with me. I am a career firefighter in Naples fl for twelve years now. My journey started about 6 years ago. growing up I was am abused child and the only person I had in my life growing up was my father my was hero and the only person I could count on and growing up I wanted to be just like him as he was a firefighter for Broward county Fl. So about 6 years ago my father was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. So I was there every step of the way with my then wife never missing a single appointment or to even help him up off his bed I was always there and my brothers in the fire department picked up shifts and working for me so I could take of my hero my father. so on June 13 2012 my father passed from cancer. This is where my spiral started. after this moment for the next couple of years my grandparents passed my abusive mother took everything of my father from me with the exception of his casket flag and his first leather fire helmet. then three years ago my wife left me as she said that she was in love with another person so I got divorced from the person I would have given my heart to and lye down in traffic for I mean my whole world was her the earth and moon revolved around her she was truly my everything and my whole purpose of living after my father, so at this point it started getting out of control for me, i was not dealing with everything i dealt with in bars and chasing women and telling everyone i was fine and that i didn’t need help and just truly avoiding seeing any kind of weakness. it all came to a head after two very bad calls involving a 12 year old girl who committed suicide by hanging herself and then a 13 year old autistic child who ran out in front of a dump truck and i was first on scene making the calls doing everything i can to keep this child alive with the truck still on him with a probationary firefighter next to me and a captain with an autistic child at home. now i was a in bad shape. I was 100 percent alone with no body to turn to. as the partying got worse with everything one of my crew members asked me to get help and once i realized it i finally did and i am now a different person understanding that most of what happened to me had nothing to do with me just bad people my new mission is trying to take care of my guys telling them its okay and that we all need help at some point in time, thank you guys for your stories and your sacrifices you have made for our great nation and the sacrifices your families have made